I put the quote of Castaneda yesterday, because I mean, we don�t fall in love about an image� we surely see things� and that is called �to feel� I guess�

My sister left this morning, we spent a week together� and now it is snowing again, and this is so beautiful� I want to live in mountains, a hundred per cent. My sister left me a message on my answering machine, so nice� She told me she found I am a cool guy, and that she loves me very much� I mean, we aquarius, we don�t say that easily, it�s like the first time I hear her saying that, this way� I�m touched. But I understand her, I am very cool, man�! But the thing is, she wasn�t waiting something from me, and could take only the good and unexpected things� you know, it�s like things during war time, I have a fantasy about that, when they are so hopeless, or just don�t expect so nothing because it is hard time, and then deep things happen, tremendous love, or amazing friendship� or beautiful heroic acts, so true things� it�s like, I fantasize about helping people, giving so much, but while he or she would expect absolutely nothing, like (and precisely) a kidnapper, you know, this kind of relation, totally far from a wait of satisfaction� brutal events, hopelessness, think you�re gonna die maybe, but he�s kind with you, and then you start to feel close to that guy, and he, without burdening himself with being talkative, polite, without showing to be lovable or anything, he�s just here, expecting nothing, taking care of your need, like food, and sleep and comfort, without a word, and you will be touched and he will start to treat you like a queen, and you will feel he�s giving you everything, this warmth in your stomach� and you will be amazed, you will be in love, the most purely, honestly way of your life� I must pursue the script� Yeah, that was mostly a movie�! I would be ten times worse as a kidnapper than in A Life Less Ordinary, you can�t count on me about that, sorry�! And I guess it can�t work just like that, anytime� That�s what I don�t like about modern societies, all what we can hear is �I want that, I want that, give me another blow job, give me some fun tonight�!� and at school you don�t learn that you�re gonna die, you just learn what will make of you a good clever citizen, and that all pain is an accident, and your feelings are only hormones and your being is a genetic code� Crap I say!

I explained to my mom about my English dictionary, she said fishes can be funny� cuz she has friends that have a fish, and it always puts itself on the side of the aquarium where people are, and it swims taking bubbles of air and releases them� and all! Okay� (My mother is terrific!)

I�ve got another fantasy of that kind, I would like that so much, it makes me cried thinking about it sometimes� I would like to be mute, never be able to speak again, clinically, since the childhood, or only from now� This would be such a relief... I would like to be seen as a freak, and let alone, and when will be time to do things with people, it would be without any stupid word from me, silent, just focus on the depth inside, and giving all what I am... I want to be this guy�

�You say that you feel terribly sad. Who cares about sadness? Think only of the mysteries; mystery is all that matters. We are living beings; we have to die and relinquish our awareness. But if we could change just a tinge of that, what mysteries must await us! What mysteries!"

"Seers maintain, naturally, that awareness always comes from outside ourselves, that the real mystery is not inside us. Since by nature the emanations at large (the world) are made to fixate what is inside the cocoon (us), the trick of awareness is to let the fixating emanations merge with what is inside us. Seers believe that if we let that happen we become what we really are - fluid, forever in motion, eternal."

Ain�t that cool? Are you on? Are you?