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| house report
December 02, 2003 -
I�m going to see heroin girl this weekend. I really don�t know. I thought I�ve become stronger, that I could stay myself, calm, act like if it was only a warm friendship but nothing more� Because I feel strong, and happy. I thought I�d play it cool, walking around the little package full of white powder without aiming to touch it at all. Possibly presenting my head, and if it wanted to rush straight into my nose, thought I wouldn�t mind at all, sure� But lately we talked a lot on the phone, and I think the substance has seeped into my veins again� I�m shot. H�. Dizzy. Distracted. Fall asleep with her, wake up with her� Think a lot about how I could help her. By staying myself, and letting her approached just if she wants to� How I�d like she comes to trust me, make her soften. To open up again, for everything. Something in her seems quite closed. But just sometimes. A protection against the world. And I wonder if something seriously bad happened to her. But she�s very opened too, clever, wise, she loves everything, she�s so cute and make melt anything. I thought too much about her this week, and it�s not a good start AT ALL for what I wanted� hehe� ok, finished� I will play it coy, just pointing at my bent nose with my forefinger, with a big grin, what do you think? I woke up singing Finding it so hard� Now listening Thousand trees, Stereophonics And Eva Cassidy, Somewhere over the rainbow (yeah, why not�?) M�gonna cut my raspberry canes. The grass. The rain. |
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